Notes from New Orleans

I kept a kind of journal while down in New Orleans this past summer, in which I sometimes wrote entries and, much more often, jotted brief notes of my feelings, activities, and daily expenses. Here are a few of the early writings from that trip, starting on the plane and progressing to my first and second days in New Orleans. In the future, I’ll probably post more of what I wrote in the notebook, but a lot of what I wrote is either too personal or too incoherent to warrant posting it.

Monday, June 30 – around 6:45 AM

I’m in the air, and all that’s above me is beautiful blue sky. I tried to look for something on the ground that I recognized, but I didn’t have much success. All I could tell for sure was that I saw the wind turbine in Hull—pretty easy to spot, since it’s on that peninsula that juts out into the harbor.

I still don’t know where I’m going to sleep tonight. I really hope that that church calls me back. And what am I going to do for two days? All by myself in a strange city… I must admit, I’m a little nervous. I don’t even have a lot of cash on me, and I’m reluctant to call home and ask for my parents to wire me some money. Will I be able to make it a month?

I still don’t know, either, exactly what I’m hoping to get out of this trip. Born(e) [sic] out of my distaste for just working retail and making (not a lot of) money, I set out to do something new and bold and enriching and helpful. I want an experience that shows me that helping others is more rewarding than just going through the motions to get along for myself. I guess I’m hoping I’ll find that in New Orleans.

I do think, though, that this will fit in well with my (vague) ideas about where I want to go in life: don’t worry about money-making to the extent possible, make the world a better place (starting on a person-al [sic] level) and just generally not taking things too fast.

I hope this trip also sheds some light on the biggest block to figuring out what to do with my life: the question of what will make me “happy”.

Happy: it’s a state I think I’m almost always in. But everyone says one of two things when giving advice for “what to do when you grow up”: it’s either Make money, or Do something that makes you happy. I find the first one shallow and unfulfilling, so I have disqualified that from the running. That leaves me with finding something that makes me happy.

And therein lies the problem. I see two big paths I could take in life. I could go on a route that would lead me to what society commonly recognizes as success: ace the LSAT, get into a top law school, work 60-hour weeks at a big-city law firm and move up the ranks. I’d have money, prestige, power, and probably some pretty women. In the eyes of society, I’d be successful. I’d probably think I’m successful. But, would I be happy?

Much as I’ve always tried to change it, I don’t think I’d be happy in that fast-paced, high-stakes, stressful, hypercompetitive world. I don’t care for the money, I don’t want the fake women, I don’t want to work in the corner office (or any office, for that matter), and I don’t want to be able to sit down to dinner at a fancy, trendy restaurant five nights a week.

I want a little house with lots of green around, and hopefully some woods. I want to be outdoors and get lots of exercise. I want a girl who will go canoeing with me, who also doesn’t buy into our money culture. I want to learn to cook with her, and volunteer in our community and have dinner with the neighbors.

But societal validation of my success is also important to me. It’s tough to look for fulfillment outside of the bounds prescribed by society. What will people think of me if I become a park ranger rather than a lawyer, or a politician, or a journalist?

Will I be happier in the reflective glow of society’s approval, or will I be happier with a life that pleases me but brings no societal prestige? I don’t know.

There is one chunky cloud towering above all the others, jutting out of the crowd and up into the atmosphere. Can I be that cloud? Should I be? Or would it be better to be one of the wisps on the edge?

Monday, June 30 – 9:55 PM

I’ve been up since 3 AM CT. I’m feeling more awake than I probably should. I just showered and I was clean for about two minutes—then the sweat started and soon I was drenched.

The sound of the fans is enormous, yet it is still sweltering in here. I went running—five loops around the neighborhood, and the humidity was killer.

Everyone here seems very friendly and welcoming—no pretenses. It’s a nice place. The neighborhood is a mess, though. The 9th Ward is largely deserted off the main road.

Today I sanded drywall. I have a place to sleep.

Tuesday, July 1 – 9:30 PM

Went to bed around 9:00 last night. Woke up at 7 AM. Spent most of the day sanding. Even after a cold shower, I’m still dripping wet. Unbearable. But, great meat loaf!