These are the days of our lives

I’ve been trying to live life this semester so that every day means something important. I think that effort has been largely successful so far. I have met plenty of new people, taken some atypical chances socially, and have come to an inner peace regarding some relations that had been unsettled.

I have begun mentoring Middletown kids at Green Street Arts Center, and developed both a deep appreciation for the task, as well as simmering frustrations. But I am ultimately hopeful and am really looking forward to working with these students.

In terms of classes, I am taking them more seriously than I ever have before. I have never been one to profess an inclination toward being an academic or intellectual, but I have upped the competition with myself and will no longer accept anything mediocre from myself in terms of classwork. The one remaining barrier is getting all the reading done; at this, I have been less successful. I need to investigate faster and/or more productive ways of reading the assigned material. Realistically, I know that with my current strategy of reading word-for-word and trying to take notes, it will not be possible to get all of my reading done. This bothers me.

I am writing for the Argus now, too. My article is due tomorrow night, but I have not started writing it yet. Not all of my sources have replied yet, either, which is making things difficult. Ultimately, though, if I can bang out a great article, I think it will do a world of good for Wesleyan and the broader Middletown community. I’m really interested in the politics behind the Army’s plans in Middletown and it’s making me realize how much I really love this city, even if it isn’t as glitzy and glamorous as Boston or New York. These are real people with real lives and real issues, and I wish I had come to this important realization earlier. I hope my article can bring more Wesleyan students to realize the importance of the city in which we live for half the year.

I have also taken the initiative to email EON, and offered to talk to them about the Army’s plans in Maromas. I think this is something that would have a huge impact—really put EON on the map and solidify Wes-Middletown environmental activism—and they really have the chance, if they take a strong stand, to organize the community and prevent the destruction of one of the largest remaining tracts of untouched land on the lower Connecticut River. I hope I can persuade them to “think big” and outside the Wesleyan box.

Last night a bunch of us watched President Bush’s final State of the Union address. For most issues I could delineate the genealogy of policy proposals and important figures behind them; I could pick out important staff in the room; I could bring a sense of recent political history to the things Bush was saying. I think my current political conscience, whatever that is, is informed in a way that (maybe) not many others at my age are. This adds to my ambivalence over whether to do something in politics for my life. I have always considered myself morally superior to the kinds of backhanded dealing and compromise necessary in a democratic/corporate-driven politics, but increasingly I find the political sphere as the place where my interests are most aligned. Having ruled out academia and probably law (though that would be a useful degree to have), as well as any scientific pursuits, as well as sitting at a desk or being a (filthy rich but morally bankrupt) investment banker, something in politics is looking like a way to utilize my interest and knowledge and do something that I would at least find interesting, while, I suppose theoretically, letting me aim for some kind of greater good in the world.

Eh. I have been trying to live a bit healthier. My plan of running five days a week is holding up, despite the immensely difficult task of waking up an hour earlier than I need to, going out into the cold wind, and running four miles. I am also trying to eat at least one piece of fruit a day; lately, that has been an apple. These are the kinds of habits that I need to establish to carry me into the future.

I have never accepted failure from myself, and I do not intend to start accepting it now. This semester is chock full of commitments and work and class and everything imaginable, but I will pull through it and come out better than I have been up to this point. To fail is not an option; I will invest the time and wherewithal to emerge victorious.

Because life is so much fun when you’re winning.