So, as I wrote in a previous entry, the total cost of attending Wesleyan for 2007-08 is figured at $50,728. I didn’t even have to look at the post again to write that; the number’s already burned into my brain after only one day. That’s a ridiculously large amount of money. Thankfully, financial aid covers a significant portion of that total. Unfortunately, it doesn’t cover more.
I’m on my way to making a little more than $3,000 this summer (that’s after expected expenses but not including the iPhone). It may be more like $4,000 if things play out the way I’d like them. But regardless, most of that money is going to go straight to Wesleyan in the not-too-distant future. And even with that money going to my education, my parents are obviously hard-pressed to meet the rest of the burden.
My dad’s had regular work lately, which is good; things had been slow in the early spring and he wasn’t working full days, or five days a week. But my mom’s taken to staying an extra hour at work most nights, which means she gets home at around 12:45 AM. She claims it’s because they’re busy, but I’m sure the only reason she took the job in the first place, as I was finishing high school, was to help pay for my college education. And to get health insurance for the four of us.
And now they’re going to help my brother out; not just with school, but with some of the expenses associated with his moving to Florida and going to school down there. And it’s not that he doesn’t deserve it; it’s just that he’s placing a (much more moderate) stress on the already-stressed family finances, and it just makes it harder for me to internally justify hogging so much money for my own education.
It’s not that I feel guilty, because I don’t. I know my parents have always wanted me to go to college, especially because neither of them did and I think they take a lot pride in me being at a place like Wesleyan, so I find it hard to feel bad that I’ve fulfilled a desire of theirs. It’s just that, you know, it’s so goddamn expensive.
Sometimes I wonder what it would’ve been like if I had gone to UMass Amherst, with a full scholarship for four years. Would my dad be stressed about the water and electricity bills? Would we be able to turn the heat up in the winter? Would my parents be able to take a vacation? Would my mom still get to stay at home and take care of her flowers and plant a garden?
Sometimes, I suppose, it just doesn’t seem worth it.
