This semester is going to be the one that really sets things off, and I can feel it. This is the one that’s going to be different, exceed my expectations, and get my life on track for great things. I can feel it, I can feel it.
Things are all looking up. Everyone is back, and everything is back to normal. It’s so good to see everyone again. I feel like I’m becoming closer to certain people, and making new connections already that didn’t exist before. I had a good (though brief) conversation with Claire about love and life, the kind I love most. I love giving advice; I don’t get to do enough of that here. Sarah caught us at dinner and we talked for a while; it wasn’t awkward at all—really fun, actually. Tom and I seemed to reach a deeper level of friendship tonight, talking about personal things in a totally serious manner that we hadn’t really achieved before. And without even thinking twice, I insisted that Thom sleep on my comfy padded windowsill since he was locked out of his room. Though he declined, I feel the automatic generosity is another mark that tells me I’m getting closer to becoming who I want to be.
Who do I want to be? I’m figuring that out more each day. In large part, I want to remain the same. I want to keep the honesty, generosity, sincerity, and well-intentioned concern that I think I’ve always had. But I also want to be more social, more attuned to the needs and wants of others, and I want to make deeper (and broader) connections with a lot of people that I have so far not become deeply attached to.
Oops. I ended a sentence with a preposition.
I also had a long, honest talk with Erica. I think I learned a lot about her, not that she said all that much. In her (relative) silence, there was a world of information.
I have so many unanswered questions, but in the end, I think it’ll turn out for the best that I not know the answers. Right now, we’re just where I wanted us to be since we broke up: on good terms, but not striving insincerely to be friends. I know she reads this sometimes, so I just want to say this: I wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to do, though I’m sure you won’t need it to succeed. I hope you’re happy with whatever you are up to. I really do.
The conversation allowed a much-needed catharsis. And I’m feeling much better after having had it. I think now I may finally be able to move on. I’m feeling good.
I’m feeling good.