Productivity. Somewhat.

I’ve spent *so much* of today looking at jobs online, and over the past few days I’ve applied to BreakthroughCollaborative (just finished and sent in my app, which was gratifying). I even called up the old HV, mostly to ease my conscience (I’m secretly hoping they don’t need anyone else and I get zero hours, but at least I called). Ooh, and my parents told me they wouldn’t be mad if I didn’t work there over winter break — score!

Back to job hunting, I guess. This really is a good time for it. Luckily I find it somewhat enjoyable, but there’s just so much of it to be done…

I don’t think this blog is really enough. I’m already getting that feeling of not being able to say everything I feel (Not that I usually say *everything* I feel, but there was never stuff that I wanted to tell people and couldn’t). I love my parents but I can’t tell them I masturbated on the train ride home without leaving my seat and expect their congratulations, nor can I show them my Honest Tea bottle of vodka and assume they’ll be amused. It’s a feeling I had all through high-school, except back them I had it for years and took it for granted and now I’ve been free of it for a long time and it’s really fucking lame — that sort of caged-in feeling, slightly oppressive and with a dash of desperation but mostly just a bit lonely, a heaviness that makes me bored easily and adds an easily-ignored veneer of unhappiness to most of my day. (On the plus side, sleeping late here is emotionally incredibly satisfying — there’s no worry of missing meals or anything, and since everyone hangs out in the same room you can walk downstairs and there they’ll be and… it feels really good.)

I need to be on the phone with y’all more.